A call back

I have had a crazy last few weeks. I have had an interview with three different companies the last three Fridays. Crazy, I know. The first one I felt like I had the job in the bag, but I really did not feel as though it would be a good fit for me. The second one I was really excited to interview for. I interviewed for a job coach position. This was a panel interview. It went really well, which is funny, because everyone was worried about me going into a panel interview, but it was so relaxed. Well, as relaxed as an interview can be. The same day that I was called for this interview another company called work and wanted to work with me. The man who spoke with them told them that I have a good thing going with company two, but that if that did not pan out that we would do the other. Tuesday I got a call to my personal phone from company three and on Wednesday I set up and interview with them for Friday. Right around that time, I ran into one of the people from the interview with company two and I asked when I should be hearing back about the job that I wanted so badly. She indicated that they were looking at me for another position rather than the one that I originally applied and interviewed for. A few hours later I got a call from company two offering a position with them. I went in this morning and checked out what I would be doing. It feels like it will be a good fit. I will be losing about ten hours a week and 25 cents an hour, so this summer will feel like I am on vacation. I still have my interview tomorrow morning with company three to check it out. We will see how it goes, but I have already started the paperwork for company two.
Five days later, I have had my interview with company three and it went well. It went so well in fact, that they said to give them two weeks and within five days wanted to offer me a position within their company. After a lot of thought over the weekend, knowing that this was undoubtably coming, I chose to turn company three down and take company two up on the offer.

Write-up

Back home my mother works in an after school tutoring program, which she loves. She has always loved tutoring. If you remember from one of my very first posts I talked about my mom being the Title 7 and Title 1 tutors at my middle school. Well, she has one student who has an excuse for everything. In remembering that I do the panel every semester she asked for me to write up a quick synopsis of what I tell people when on the panel. It is interesting to put it in written form. She said that yesterday she looked at this girl and told her about me and how I have had so many times that I could have given up and yet I haven't.
I have a nephew who is exhibiting the same signs of ADD that I have. In talking with my sister I mentioned that I do not expect for him to go one to get his Master's degree, however, I do hope that he can look at me and say that if she could do it I can too. That is my hope. i hope that I can be a guiding influence for many children in the future who feel like they can not make it. Instead if allowing myself to be a statistic of high school drop outs, I became a statistic of college graduates with a disability.
I was talking with a man from my class today and he asked how I was holding up this week. I told him that I am going to finish off this smester as strong as I started it. That is all that I can do. I received my officaial denial letter in the mail this week. It was disheartening, but because I knew that it was coming I was able to shrug it off. He said that he can see me in several years giving a speach to youth or young adults about the importance of not giving up. He said that he can see me standing up there and saying something to the effect of "I put so much effort into my undergraduate degree, I spent eight years getting to that point, and when I went to apply for my graduate program, I could not even get in. Never fear though, perseverence is the key...." I'd love that. I would actually really like to do insperational speaking assignments. I think that it could be really fun.

Zombie

The day after I found out that I was not accepted I was pretty much done crying, it was just a matter of trying to get myself back on the work horse. I had a job interview, and I think that it went really well. Well, then it was time to go to work. I can honestly say that for the first time in my working life I wanted to stay on the bus and turn around and go home. I went into work looking like a walking zombie. Everyone wanted to talk to me and I was not feeling it. Gratefully my boss let those who needed to know know so that I did not have to.
One of the guys at work took the same test and did markedly better on it than I did and for the last few months has been asking why I did not have him help me, etc. Well, he started gong off on Friday about the whole thing again, and I just looked at him and said that I did not want to talk about it. He kept going on and on and on. Finally I looked at him and said that I did not get into the program, so just go away. He tried to apologize and I just told him to go away. I could not handle it. It was just so frustrating.
I am trying to figure out what to do with my life now. I have some ideas and thoughts, but I am not sure exactly what I am going to do.

Regroup

It is time to regroup and reapply... in two months.
Yes, that is right I did not get into the program that I so desperately wanted to get into. It has been a hard day the rest of the day after I found out. I had my one class tonight... the one that is taught by the head of the Rehab department. I wanted to go because I like it, but I did not want to go at the same time. I did wind up going because.. well.... because I have a good work ethic and I hate missing class. I was talking with a class mate and he suggested that I retest and try to get in again again. Well, I think that is what I am going to do.
In other news, I have a job interview tomorrow morning.

The Gift of Dyslexia

I was talking with a coworker today about a book that came through the store that I wanted. It was titled "The Gift of Dyslexia." I was intrigued. I don't exactly think of it as a gift, some days I even think of it as more of a curse than anything. He then looked at me and hesitantly asked if I had at some point said that I was Dyslexic. I didn't know he actually listened to things that came out of my mouth. We talked for a minute and then I mentioned that I am graduating with an over all GPA of 2.5 and a last 60 credits of 3.15, oh yeah, and the plan is to get my Master's. Why do I always do that? I scare people away. I am more than my Dyslexia. My Dyslexia is not what defines me, and yet far too often I allow it to. I am a woman, I am smart, I am strong, I am determined, I have a faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, I am a friend, and yet what comes out all too often? I am Dyslexic and I am succeeding. I push people away because the fist thing that they learn about me is "Hi, I am Jamie, I am Dyslexic and determined. You had better not get in my way." It is interesting because on the one hand it has not defined me because many people with a learning disability do not continue on to get a higher education, and yet I have pushed through. I have not allowed my diagnosis to tell me what I can or cannot do. On the other hand, I have let it drive me and let it help me prove that I can do something with myself. Somehow I need to find a happy medium. Yes, I am determined and yes, I have allowed my diagnosis to propel me in life until this point, however I need to stop scaring people away by making that the first and only thing that they know about me.

Decision Time

This week brings the first round of decisions as it relates to my future. This week, the board sits to decide if they want for me to sit for an interview for admittance into the Master's program. A friend of mine said that half of life is a back up plan. Well, this time I don't have a true back-up plan. I have thought about making a pit stop to Salt Lake City and moving there for a little bit. There are more job opportunities down there than there are up here. I hope that I do not have to make that choice, however. I have had so many great growing opportunities of late. So many people feel that I would do well in this field, and that I will get in. I just wish that I had that same feeling. I hope that I will get in. This is the only school that I applied to. I just pray that I make it past the first round.

Growl

I seamed to have worked myself into having a headache which was wanting to turn into a migraine. They hurt so bad and I down play them. There are some who understand the pain of a migraine, and others who do not. This morning as one of the boss' walked by they asked how I was. I replied that besides a headache and stress I was doing great. Truth is, I was in a lot of pain. Not just some, not a little, a lot. I tried everything that I could think of to get rid of it. As I stood in the hall trying to bush on the nerve in my hand that is supposed to relieve headaches the same boss walked by and I think that is when he realized how much pain I was in again. I then took two Aleve, ate my lunch on break, and drank a caffeinated soda (which I do not do very often). Finally it broke about the time that I went to lunch.

Stress Management Plan

Last week I was *this close* to asking my boss if we could cut down on my work hours. It was after that that I realized that perhaps I just needed to implement a Stress Management Plan. I found some really good articles about stress management and came up with a list of things that I can do to help with my stress level.
1) Read at least one chapter in the scriptures daily
2) Pray every morning and night
3) Update blog or write in journal at least three times per week
4) Exercise three days a week
5) Attend the temple once a week
6) Study 45 minutes a day six days a week
7) Attend ward activities
8) Attend Family Home Evening and Ward Prayer
9) Find things to laugh at daily
10) Write five things to be grateful for every day

Good morning Dyslexia

This morning as I walked into the break room at work, I noticed a drawing on the white board, and a sentence next to it. The sentence read: "This world is full of epic failure. You are one of them?" I stood there for a moment trying to reason what this sentence might be saying. It was at the peak of my confusion that a coworker and friend reread the sentence to me. "This world is full of epic failure. Are you one of them?" It then made much more since. I turned and greeted my Dyslexia. Some days that is all that I can do. Greet it and recognize that it is there to wreak havoc in my life for that day. There are days that are worse than others. Today was one of them.
Later, another coworker then asked how to spell humanitarian. I jokingly got on her for asking the Dyslexic how to spell. She said that since I was in college, I am clearly smarter. Not true I told her, I just made education my first priority.

Joy

Today I witnessed something really neat. I saw 30+ coworkers and some supervisors all signing Happy Birthday to our Deaf co-worker. Every Friday at work we celebrate the birthdays that are in the coming week. This Sunday is his birthday. The Supervisor asked him to come to the front of the group and said that he would just have to know that we are singing to him. His interpreter had the idea to have me stand in front with her and we would lead the group in signing to him. It was really neat and many people commented how neat they thought that it was. Another coworker who is deaf, but does not sign even commented on how neat she thought it was. I have gotten a lot of practice over the last few days as I have helped out as an interpreter when his interpreter has been unavailable for applying for other work. Side note, we are encouraged to find another job while working there. It has been a fascinating week, and I have felt very fulfilled the days that I come home after helping out. I love the language and I love helping out. I have thought about going and getting my interpreters license, but I do not know if I could do it all day every day.