Heated

Tuesday found me in the midst of a very heated conversation-if you wish to call it that. Without rehashing out the entire story, in the midst of events I was called lazy. If you call me anything, DO NOT call me lazy. I have fought that stigma my entire life, I do not need for it to follow me into my career too. Because I failed every class in school I was labeled as the lazy kid. The kid that never did their work. The one Luthy that would probably never go anywhere in life. Guess what?! I have gone somewhere with my life. This May I will once and for all show that I have done something with myself. I have pulled myself up by my own bootstraps and will be a college graduate. Oh yeah, and will be the first one to get my Master's degree.

Projects

At work I have been working as an intern in the position as a Team Lead for about three weeks now. I seam to be involving myself in new projects all of the time. The most recent one I am really excited about. I am taking the work skills of each of my team members and making a portfolio for them using pictures. So what will essentially happen is that I will take a list of skills that they have which each of them and I have come up with and take a picture with them using each of these skills. I am actually really excited for each of them to turn out. I think that it will be good so that they can go into potential job interviews or networking situations and be confident in being able to say just what they can do. Oh boy, I hope that it comes out well and that they each like what I do.

A light

Last night when reviewing the schedule for today, I realized that there were many holes that needed to be filled because if they were not, one of my guys would get really frustrated. We had a really good day, minus a few glitches. It has been nice though, because over the last few days each of the Supervisors which I interact with regularly have told me independantly of each other how well things seam to be going. It has been nice because I get frustrated and they can see that, but correct me without saying that they are correcting me. Because I fixed the schedule today went about as smoothly as can be expected. There were a few bumps in the road, but all in all, today was nice. There are days like today when I feel that we are making great strides.
Each of them are so unique and over time I am learning each of their personalities. One likes to talk a lot and has a lot of immaginary friends. He asks a lot of questions that one might seam strange, like "What would you do if you woke up and there was a lion out your window?" He also says strange things like "Did you know the Mayor of Omaha is playing footies with the Govonor?" I am sure that to him they make a lot of since. I have to admit, they generally bug me, but today I tried really hard to not let it get to me. The other one, I am learning is very literal. I forget what I said, but it was meant as a joke and when he did not laugh, it dawned at me that he is very literal. Now that I know that, I think that it will be very helpful information.

Patience is not a virtue that I posses easily

Over the last two weeks I have begun to gain a greater since of appreciation for those whom patience comes with ease, because it does not come easily to me. Over the last two weeks I feel that my threshold for patience has increased exponentially, and yet it still has so far to go until I will be satisfied. As if I will ever really be satisfied.
I am now the team lead for two gentleman with special needs and I love them both dearly. Over the last two weeks I have had some great growing experiences as we have all learned to work together and give and take. After a week of fighting with one in particular, Tuesday brought a light hearted day while still working extra hard. It was a great day, and I got to see a fun side of each of the guys, and they in turn got to see a fun side of me. It is frustrating for all of us because we are all trying to figure each other out. After a week of bliss and having them both stay on task, not back talk, and not needing to get supervisors involved, it all came crashing down today when my patience was tested all through the day.
As part of my job duties I have been putting together a schedule of things that need to be completed at certain intervals throughout the day. I took a schedule which had previously been but together and revamped it. I think it looks pretty cool, but still needs a lot of help. It has defiantly been quite a project. I have learned so many things, like neither of them can be given multiple things to keep track of, so giving them instructions such as first do this, then do this does not work very well.

Deviation

I want to deviate from the norm the of the postings here to pay tribute to a past relationship. There is a man who was once in my life for about eight years. Three and a half years ago we went from really good friends to being in a serious relationship. Three years ago this month the man whom I loved and thought that I would marry ended this wonderful relationship. We tried for a year and a half after that to keep some kind of relationship together, after all, loosing a friendship of that proportion would be devistating. We tried for a year and a half to remain friends, in which time I moved two states away. At one point I finally just had to pull the plug. I did, I removed his number, email and every other way that I had to contact this wonderful young man whom I loved so dearly. Why? Because my heart ached every time that we finished a conversation. Each time that we talked I did not want for it to end, and when it did I ached the rest of the day. Time went by and I saw him a year later. It was great to see him. Yes, I still felt joy at seeing him and yes, in a small extent my life still ached, but not nearly like it did a year prior. I was then ready to open myself up once again to talking with him. I tried twice to rekindle this friendship, to which he is not ready. Did it hurt? You bet.
Dear friend,
I am so greatful that I was blessed to have you in my life for the time that I did. Do I still love you? Yes. Do I still ache for you? Yes. I think about you frequently and hope that you are doing well. I think about the many things that we did together over the years and the smiles and laughter that we shared. I think about how I still don't really know what happened and how I wish I did so that I don't do it again. I think about what we each would have to give up if we wanted for a relationship to work. I want for you to know that I think about the many smiles that we shared and how much it pains me that I can not talk to someone that I used to be able to talk about everything with before we dated. In closing, dear friend, I still love you. I still ache for you, it is true. I may sound strong, but I am still so weak. You are the one relationship that I have lost and truly wish could have been saved. Do I think/ wish/ hope that we will get back together some day? Not exactly. But I do think/ wish/ hope that some day we can be friends again.
Missing you,
Me

Also, this is the song I think of when I think of what I am missing.
What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts

What Hurts The Most lyrics
Songwriters: Steele, Jeffrey; Robson, Steve;

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ?em out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret

But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
(To say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do, ooo

Over Achiever

I started class this week. It is all kind of exciting in two fold. In the first since, I get to take one of the classes for my potential program as an undergraduate, which, let's face it, not many people do. The other part of the equation is that I am now working in my internship which gives me 9 credits towards graduation with my undergraduate degree, the last nine credits that I need. This is a great opportunity because I get to work as closely as I can without actually having graduated with my MRC (Masters of Rehabilitation Counseling) and as such have also not passed the CRC (Certified Rehabilitation Counseling) test. This opportunity is really an eye opening experience. I am learning so much about myself and how I work best with others. When in class on the first day, the instructor asked if she knew me. I said not yet, but that I was her undergrad. She then called me an over achiever. When I said that I was not yet in the program, but trying to for summer. One of the girls in class said that if I was already in there I should have no problem getting in, after all, I am an over achiever. What they all fail to recognize is that I do worry because of my MAT score. I did retake it, and my score was much better than the first time. The first time I scored in the 20th%, the second time around I got in the 34%, still I need to be in 40% to be pretty much guaranteed. I spoke with my professor the other evening (she happens to be the head of the department) and she said that she will sit on the panel that decides my fate, but that she is only one person. Yes, that is true, but she is also one very influential person. We shall see how everything plays out.