Deviation

I want to deviate from the norm the of the postings here to pay tribute to a past relationship. There is a man who was once in my life for about eight years. Three and a half years ago we went from really good friends to being in a serious relationship. Three years ago this month the man whom I loved and thought that I would marry ended this wonderful relationship. We tried for a year and a half after that to keep some kind of relationship together, after all, loosing a friendship of that proportion would be devistating. We tried for a year and a half to remain friends, in which time I moved two states away. At one point I finally just had to pull the plug. I did, I removed his number, email and every other way that I had to contact this wonderful young man whom I loved so dearly. Why? Because my heart ached every time that we finished a conversation. Each time that we talked I did not want for it to end, and when it did I ached the rest of the day. Time went by and I saw him a year later. It was great to see him. Yes, I still felt joy at seeing him and yes, in a small extent my life still ached, but not nearly like it did a year prior. I was then ready to open myself up once again to talking with him. I tried twice to rekindle this friendship, to which he is not ready. Did it hurt? You bet.
Dear friend,
I am so greatful that I was blessed to have you in my life for the time that I did. Do I still love you? Yes. Do I still ache for you? Yes. I think about you frequently and hope that you are doing well. I think about the many things that we did together over the years and the smiles and laughter that we shared. I think about how I still don't really know what happened and how I wish I did so that I don't do it again. I think about what we each would have to give up if we wanted for a relationship to work. I want for you to know that I think about the many smiles that we shared and how much it pains me that I can not talk to someone that I used to be able to talk about everything with before we dated. In closing, dear friend, I still love you. I still ache for you, it is true. I may sound strong, but I am still so weak. You are the one relationship that I have lost and truly wish could have been saved. Do I think/ wish/ hope that we will get back together some day? Not exactly. But I do think/ wish/ hope that some day we can be friends again.
Missing you,
Me

Also, this is the song I think of when I think of what I am missing.
What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts

What Hurts The Most lyrics
Songwriters: Steele, Jeffrey; Robson, Steve;

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ?em out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret

But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
(To say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do, ooo