Now What?

Well, now (nearly now) I have a degree and it is certainly not Engineering. It is as if everyone keeps trying to beet a concept into my head that I am already fully aware of. It has been a crazy, and rough last several days. I think that I have cried every day of the last five days.… maybe not yesterday because I was focused on Easter and being with people who are not trying to beet into my head that I need to find a new job, but that my degree is meaningless. I wish that some of the people that are doing this, would at least pretend to be supportive.

It's official

After a series of things happening in the last few weeks, I start back at work where I left two weeks ago. I feel at ease with that decision. The Job that I took just did not work out, and gratefully I had not actually signed any release papers, so I still had a job to return to. I will not get to work directly with my guys, and I have to come up with a game plan. I am job placement ready, I just need to find a good fit.

Decisions, decisions

This last week has brought some huge decisions. I graduate in just a few days...16 to be exact, but who's counting. Now is the time that I am needing to be thinking about my future and what I am going to be up to for the rest of my life. So, here is the list of decisions in no particular order:
1. To move or to stay in my apartment (which I have already signed a contract for)
2. To move to another city, i.e. Salt Lake
3. Do I reapply for Grad School?
4. Am I REALLY supposed to go to Grad School?
5. I have a part time job right now, if I do reapply, and don't get in a part time job is not going to help me pay back my loans.

Oh the life I live. It really has been an interesting last few months. I was going an internship, which I have since completed and went to three job interviews, two of which I got call backs for, which was really exciting. I took one of them. It has been interesting over the last two weeks. I really like my coworkers and the participants that I work with. I work with several people with disabilities and they are all so sweet in their own ways. They all have such unique personalities. I really do like them, some times it is emotionally hard though because I am so results driven, and you do not get to really see results as much as I like to see them. I saw and was able to document amazing results in the gentlemen that I was working so closely with for three months, and I miss them. I knew intellectually that I would miss them, but I did not know in my heart how much I would truly miss them. There are moments when I think about them. I learned so much from them after all. For part of my new job I was working just two blocks away from where "my boys" are and wanted so badly to go over there and see them. I had to stop myself. They are no longer my responsibility. I went in today to take care of some paperwork, because I still technically work out there. Both of the guys were gone, but there is a distinct difference in the atmosphere of the two enviornments. Yes, I like both, but I miss the one. I still get updates from time to time on how both of my guys are doing. Which leads me to the next question, do I apply for Grad school, OR apply for a Job Coach position in Salt Lake City at the Deseret Industries down there? This would mean, maybe not giving up compleatly on grad-school, but possibly postponing it for a time. Perhaps I am not ment to go to Grad-school, but rather I needed that goal to get me through my under-grad. Maybe, I need to do Job Coaching and make a difference locally, one-on-one. As it is, that is pretty much what I have been doing for the last four months, just add a few more technicalities. I know that there may be people who will have better resumes than I do, however I have had this experience, as well as my life experience behind me. I wish that I some how could get them to see past everything, and call the store here in Logan, because I know that they would give me glowing reccomendations.
I very nearly moved into a new apartment here in town with a friend, when I already have signed a contract for another year at the place where I already am. There was a lot of thought and the final decision was to not move. This because, well, what if I don't get into Grad school (again) and/or decide to take a job in Salt Lake. I did not want to leave her in a lurch.
Lastly, what if I don't get into Grad-School? I have to start paying my student loans back and a part time job is not going to help me do that.
Oh, decisions decisions.

Hiccups

Iv'e come to the conclusion that I do not have tragedies very often. I have hiccups. I will get a blow and cry about it for an hour, call mom, and then somehow it is no longer a tragety, just a hiccup. I failed my Sophmore English class. Bummer. Tuned around and took summer school. Was denied entrance to a private university, but got accepted to a school that better suited me and my needs. My GPA was too low to get into my desired undergrad program. I found another one, which I really took to. I was denied entrance into my Master's program. Yes, that was hard, but I am determined to move forward and try again. Practice makes perfect, right? I know that I am not the top of my class, but I am determined and that that counts for a lot. Life is full of challanges, and you have to be ready for them.

Disability Advocacy

I really want to get involved in disability advocacy. There is so much need for change. I think that the first place to start is to do just what I already do: speak out and talk to everyone. But really, I think that it would be awesome to be able to speak out regularly. Maybe to do something similar to what I did when I was still doing Native dancing and performing and giving presentations. Something like that, giving presentations. I want to help others who fall through every crack that is possible and encourage them to still move forward.