Ah, the joys

Some days work can be funny. I mean, I enjoy the team that I work with, but when the manager of the entire store knows you by name and has conversations with you on a frequent basis, and you feel that you can talk with them without batting an eyelash, work can be funny. Case in point today. Last week I spoke with my boss briefly about doing my internship hours at the store that I am already working at. He said that we needed to get with someone else and chat about it. To which we did and he said that it should not be a problem, but to show him the paperwork, to which I did today. After we met and came to the conclusion that it should not be a problem, but that I needed to check with my academic advisor on a few things and that he then needed to check with the store manager. Yes, at this point there are four people involved. I did a quick explanation to the store manager of what was going on and then said that the other man wanted to talk to him. After work as I was waiting for the bus with some friends from work a truck pulls over, and I am summoned. The passenger side window rolls down and I get a thumbs up and a "Let's do it." Yup, that would be the head honcho pulling over just to tell me that all is well and to move forward. Yup, that is the kind of relationship that I have with the boss'. As it turns out, not asking to go home when you have a splitting headache, are crying because you have a laundry list of things going wrong are still working, being willing to do whatever is asked endears you to the boss' and people recognize that. I have been told that in team meetings from time to time when I am not at work my boss will tell stories about my insaneness. Something that I forget sometimes when I get frustrated with people who want to go home early or whatnot is that not everyone is as crazy and stubborn as I am. I know that not everyone can endure some of the things that I do. One of my coworkers even going so far as to say that a lot if the reason that she has not gone home and has stayed and dealt with her stuff is because she looks at me and how I endure. That is just how I was raised. Cry it off and come up with something else to focus on.

Graduation

It is official... I graduate in May. I am really excited, and yet really kind of scared. I was given permission from both my accadmic advisor as well as my boss to use work as my 'internship' hours that I needed to complete my credits so that I could graduate. Today when we decided that I could use work, the boss' decided to give me more duties, to which I actually got pretty excited. This next semester should prove to be a good one.

Grades

Never in my life have I worried so much about grades as I do this semester. It could have to do with the fact that I am graduating next semester and am in need of having good grades in all of my classes. Today I got a test score back to which I was not so pleasantly surprised with. When the teacher handed it back to me I was talking one on one with him and said something to the effect that it was terrible. He said that I would be find and not to worry. To which I responded that I was trying to get into Grad School and that grade defiantly was not going to help me get there. We made arrangements for me to meed him in his office and discuss it. When we got down to it, if we took the average that I have now and found my grade I would get a C in the class. He then asked what I wanted. I wanted to be realistic. I don't need an A I said, but I don't want a C either. We put out collective minds together and came up with a writing assignment which will serve to make up for some of my lost points. He is happy with it because I am still working for a grade, and I am happy with it because I will get a grade that I can work with.
Also, I have officially received clearance to take one of the three graduate level courses that I was wanting. The irony is that after further thinking about it I had decided to take just one of the three, and the program gave my clearance for the same one. I guess it was meant to be. I am so excited to be quasi starting the program. I love school, I am not sure what I am going to do when I graduate.

MAT

Yup, I took it. Yup, I bombed it. Planning to re-take it. I guess that is all that I have to say.

Wise Mind vs Emotional Mind

I visit one-on-one with an individual theripist every other week, and in a group councling session once a week. I did not realize how much I have been learning in group until this week when I met with my individual counclor. We got to talking about emotions and how emotions are hard for me and how I have a hard time empethyzing because although I know that it is not rational, I have a hard time feeling for others unless I know that there is a problem. I do this because I push through everything. I do not let emotions get in the way. I call and cry to my mom or whomever else will listen 9let's be honest, it's always mom) for about 30 minutes and then figure out a way to fix it. I guess that I have always been like that because I have always been forced to be like that. Between my family opperating like that, you know the whole tough it out, get over it mentality, I have been forced to ignore emotion because if I let emotion dictate everything then I do not think that I would be where I am today. Which is a good and bad thing. Accademically I have achieved so much (in fact, I was told by the head of the Rehabilitation Councling program to include my struggles with having documented disabilities in my letter of intent because "that's good stuff). On the other hand, my personal relationships have really suffered becuase of my inability to enbrace the emotional side of things.
You see, there is the Emotional Mind (where men think that women live 24/7) and the Reasonalble Mind (where women think that men spend all of their time). The problem comes when you can not find a happy medium and wind up in the Wise (logical) mind. This is where I struggle. I spend much of my time in reasonable mind and swing to emotional mind when it suits me, but to so far to an extreme that I miss Wise Mind. My goal for the next couple of weeks it to try and be mindful of which mind I am using and try to move closer to reasonable mind. I know that it is not going to happen over night, but I know that I can do anything that I put my mind to, so I guess this is just something for me to put my mind to.

Classes

I discovered yesterday the greatness of being a Senior. I am finished with my required coursework for my degree, however, I still have 9 credits of upper division classes that I need to take care of. So what is a girl to do when nothing really suits her fancy? Why, take 9 credits of internship and three hours of Graduate level classes. Yes, I am that addicted to school. I love to learn, especially when it comes to disabilities. I figure that I will work 20ish hours a week, go to school taking one class (which from what I gather the class that I will be taking is quite a load all on its own. I can save up for school so that I can hopefully avoid taking out so much in loans and be able to pay for part of my education now. I am so excited to graduate and close this chapter of my life, and yet I am excited to continue my education by taking part in some of the Graduate classes.
I learned yesterday that I can take some of the grad classes as an undergrad and have them count toward grad school, however I can not take this particular programs courses to fulfill requirements for my BS, but can do a split form and have it count toward my masters when I get accepted.

Sign

I love English, I also love Sign Language. Sometimes, being bilingual has its perks (like when I need to say something at someone but I don't want for them to understand what I am saying) and sometimes it is hard because I can come up with the word first in my second language and then maybe come up with it in my first language. Sometimes my coworkers hate that I sign to (at) them. Sometimes I love that I sign to (at) them. I was trying to explain something in a work meeting today and said, well, I could express it in sign. To which the reply was, "Well, if I signed that would be great." Tomorrow is a silent Thanksgiving dinner and I have been thinking that I want to go since 1. It sounds like so much fun and 2. I have not gone to any of the deaf events this semester. I got to talking to a friend of mine who is taking Sign 1 (I am in Sign 3) and she was saying that she wanted to go, but was in need of a buddy, and I mentioned that I wanted to go but was in need of a ride. Turns out, we can provide the needed support for each other. I am so excited. I have some friends from class that I can introduce her to, and there are some people that I associate with that are really easy to understand. It will be good to be able to communicate with the proficient and also be able to help my friend. I keep telling myself that one of these days I am going to attend the Deaf religious congregation here where I live as I have friends that attend church there.
Today in class, my teacher was assigning history lessons for us to teach. He had written several events on the board and we were to pick one (or add our own) and teach it on Monday. I added the Trail of Tears. I have a love/hate relationship with the Trail of Tears. I love to learn about it because it is my family history, and yet I hate it because of what happened. At any rate, one of the girls asked me if I wanted that one (ummm... I am the one that mentioned that particular event in history, right?) to which I said yes and we put my name up next to it. Then the teacher asked which one she wanted and she said that I took the one that she wanted and that she was not really interested in anything else (then why didn't she bring it up?). I said fine and picked the War of 1812, which I had previously contemplated anyway. The teacher erased my name and told her that it was all hers and then she changed her mind and went with something else. Leaving me to either keep the war or take my original topic back. By that point, we had been in class for two hours, and as much as I love sign, my eyes get tired and I just want a nap by that point. Needless to say, I am teaching the War of 1812 in Sinn Language on Monday.

Stressed out

This semester has been quite a stressful semester. I go to school full time, work part time, study like bad for classes as well as the entrance exam. My boss has been wanting to give me some more responsibility for quite some time, but has been hesitant to because I have been stressed with studying and other things happening in my life that he wanted to wait. This last week he finally gave me some more responsibility which I am really quite excited to take on the new responsibilities. I will be working one-on-one with some of my team members and helping them reach their individual goals.

Pushing forward

Tomorrow I take the most important test of my life thus far. I take the Miller Analogies Test. My stomach is in knots and I am really stressed and worried, and yet at the same time, I am relaxed and feel pretty good about it. I have studied a lot and have tried to prepare myself as best I can. Gratefully I grew up with a rather extensive vocabulary, so hopefully that will kick in tomorrow. The test is an hour long, and each practice test that I have taken has followed the example of every other test I take. By about 30 minutes, I am done. My brain does not want to process any more words. I really hope that I can combat this tomorrow. For this test I will actually have 90 minutes to complete it and I really hope that I can talk myself into taking more time so that I can more fully process things. One of my boss' thinks that I am absolutely crazy for taking it now. He did not take it until he was does with school, but my thought it, why not take it now so that if I have to retake it I have time. :)