Climb

2.02
3.25
3.06
2.48
The numbers above are very significant to me. They represent where I have come from academically and where I am now.
2.02, what I had when I received my Associate of Arts and transferred to a four year institution.
3.25, the GPA for the most recent term.
3.06 My over all GPA for the last two years.
2.48 This is my over all GPA for every class that I have ever taken. This makes me so proud.
The last few days I have been really stressed about how I was going to preform in the way of grades and GPA. This was a really stressful semester and I knew that I had to preform well. I tried all semester long to keep up and worked very hard. I was working 23 hours a week plus going to school full time. For most this would seam a bit overwhelming, for me however, I tend to preform better in school when working. Strange, I know. About half way through the semester a professor emailed me having noticed that I was in class every day and was performing poorly on each of the exams. They wanted to know what they could do to help and if grades just did not matter to me. I was relieved. I gave some detail of how stressed I seamed to be, and that although I did not want to have points thrown at me, I wanted to earn my grades, after all. He came up with a plan of how those in the class that wanted to earn some of their points back could and I was so appreciative. Another professor went to give me a test back on that I had not preformed well on and my heart sank. They could see the disappointment in my face and told me to meet them at their office, so which I did. We came up with another assignment that I could so which would (if I preformed the average of all of the previous test scores) bring me from a C to a B. I did both of those assignments. I also worried a lot about another class. This was my American Sign Language class. The final project held so much weight that I worried a bit about it. The thing is, two days before I was set to preform my final project, I changed it. I feel that I did better on the changed version than I would have had I stayed with the original plan. I guess it payed off because I did well enough in all of my classes to keep my GPA up. What a relief. Next step... working on my personal statement.
I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows me individually and knows what my greatest desires are and what I need. I am grateful that he helped me work with my professors to help me succeed to the best of my abilities. I hope and pray that I can continue to recognize the miracles placed in my life every day. Those seemingly small things that add up and really are huge to me individually. I know that without my Father in Heaven I could not have succeeded this semester.

On my way...

As mentioned before, I don't drive. I was talking with my mom the other day about why I don't drive, and we (I) came to the conclusion that the reason I don't drive is not strictly my fault... but hers. Yup, Moms fault. You see, when I was younger and all of my siblings were learning to drive we lived on a dirt road that they had to drive on before they could drive on the streets. I did not get to drive on that road. Mom says that it is because when I was turning the age to drive we did not have a reliable car, so driving was not much of an option. When I was 16 we moved to the city, meaning that Mom did not want for me to drive on the busy streets.
I feel like there is need for a story to express what made me stop driving once I did convince my mom to let me learn.
One day we were driving along, it was July 4th when I was 20 and we were getting ready to take me to work. My mom did not want for me to drive into my work parking lot because it was not a very nice parking lot. We were driving around and Mom stopped paying attention to my driving and started giving directions. As she did she was saying to pull over onto another street and stop. I soon realized that we were in a cul-de-sac so I pulled around. Mom was still giving me some direction and started telling me to break. She continued break, break, break, that's.... not.... the.... break! As I pressed on the gas. We jumped a curb and landed on a boulder in someones front yard. Not only did we land on the boulder, but the force of the car moved it at least a foot. I was stressed really badly. I was in tears and worrying about how I was going to pay for the car and to fix these peoples front yard, etc. Four young men (according to Mom they were really cute but I did not notice) came over to see if they could see what happened to the car. The owner of the house came out and was really cool about the whole thing. Much more cool than I would have been. The wife then came home laughing. To me it was not that funny. I knew that I was going to be last for work, and so I called and explained that I had been in an accident but that I would be there as soon as I could since I knew that it was the 4th and one of the busiest days of the year. Gratefully they were really understanding and asked if I was ok. I said that physically I was ok, but emotionally I was not sure. The wife was great. She took me to work and they let my mom go inside the house while they waited for the tow-truck. It took the tow-truck driver four hours to move the car. I was really stressed about how I was going to pay for the car and everything. I was freaking out. Gratefully, the owners were gracious enough to not charge me for the front yard. Ironically, they were wanting to move the boulder anyway. I bent the front axle and we had to total out the car. I am so glad that we had AAA, and so I did not have to pay for the towing. It was 104 degrees outside, the poor guy. When I got into work one of the girls asked me if I was the one driving. How did they know? All I said that was I got in an accident. A few weeks later someone came in and asked for me. She gave me some pictures of the accident. I had to laugh that they took the pictures. It made me smile.
About a year later when I was serving a mission for my church I met the man that I would be working under and he really wanted for me to learn to drive. About a month later I was sent home to have surgery and he and his wife really wanted for me to learn, but I really wanted to get back out and work. I never did learn.
When I completed my time there my uncle, who is a really good driver took me out driving and I was doing well, but I was white knuckling the steering wheel. As mentioned, I know that driving is something that I need to do. I figure that the events from six years ago help to explain why I do not drive.

It's not all the same... thank you

I hate when people think that every person who has the same disability are the same. Guess what everyone... stop the presses! Not all are created equal. Part of my Dyslexia is that I can not read things associated with certain colors. That does not mean that I am color blnd, because I am not. I can see all of the colors of the rainbow. A co-worker and I were wanting to retape the pricing table at work, and put new prices on as well. The new boss was wanting to do it in red and I protested stating that I could not read red. He then asked if I was colorblind. When I said that it was part of my dyslexia but that I was not colorblind but I just could not read things written in red or on red. Another boss was standing by and mentioned that he was dyslexic but that he did not have that problem. Yes, I explained not everyone has the same thing wrong with them. Arg! Ok everyone, here is the deal... we are not all created equal, just incase you were wondering.

Best of Friends?

Tests and I do not get along. We are like oil and water. Once upon a time I had a person in my life who could not understand why tests were so hard for me, when they were so easy for them. To this individual, I would like to say, try being dyslexic and having a hard time reading coupled with ADHD and not being able to sit still. Also, I'd like to add, look at me now. I am a semester away from graduating with my BS. Like anything you cannot fathom what it is like for someone else. Simply because one subject may come easy to one person does not mean that is comes easy to someone else. Likewise, just because you can do well on tests and the person next to you does not, does not mean that they are dumb or otherwise inadequate. Perhaps they are not best of friends with tests, such is the case with me. I know the material, but there are three problems, I go blank when I get to the test, I can't sit still and I can't read. Oh joy. I took all of my finals today, and got my miserable grade back. Really, it was bad, and it was about as bad as you are probably thinking. However, I would not be nearly as stressed as I am except that I really, Really, REALLY need to get good grades. It's not like I have any time to make it up. Eek. I also worry about when I go to retake the MAT and when I take the licensing test after I graduate. Hopefully I can pull it together for both.

Left, left, left,.... right?

I have speculated for quite a while that my hearing was going in my left ear. I virtually never use the left side headphone and when I try I have a really hard time hearing it to which I tend to blame on the fact that it does not fit in my ear nearly as well and the right side does. Yesterday I had my right side plugged as is usual, and there were many people standing in my house carrying on a conversation that by all rights I should have been able to hear. I unplugged my right ear and that is when it all came clear. I am hard of hearing in my right ear. I mean, I am not diagnossed or anything, but it mades since. Just one more thing to add to my already too long list of things that are wring with me.

Job?

We have an intern at work who is great, and I love having her there. She is going into the same thing that I want to, and so it is really neat to get to work with her. Today she comes in and finds me to show me a lead on an awesome job. I was so excited, it was close to home, had great hours, everything looked awesome. Again tho, when I got home and looked at it more closely I realized that it was quite a distance away and the bus does not go to the town that it is in. It seams as though everything is lining up to tell me that I really need to just breakdown and get my license.
A coworker of mine also does not have his license and his girlfriend is getting on him that he needs to get his license. I keep telling her, leave it alone. If he wants to get it, let him get it, but if you keep pressuring him, something is going to give.

Rudolph

On Monday I looked like death warmed over, it was awful. Today when my coworkers told me that work was switching out my boss I started to cry. I hate crying. It is gross. Your eyes get all red and you get all gross. I just hate it all around. When I started to cry one of my coworkers gave me a hug and when I told her that if she hugged me it was going to get worse she told me that I was the most emotionally constipated woman that she has met and that it was good to cry. One of the times that I cried I looked in the mirror and realized that I looked like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I told a co-worker and she did not agree. I think that Monday I looked like death warmed over, today Rudolph. Awesome.

The phone call

Tuesday while in class I missed a call from a number that I did not recognize. For some reason I wondered if it was my boss. I don't know why that thought crossed my mind, but it did. When I got out of class and checked the message, sure enough it was my boss. He said that he was waiting for me to come in that day, and then realized that it was my day off (oops), but that he had some leads on some great jobs that had my name written all over them. He then spoke a mile a minute trying to explain them to me. I went and looked at them and quickly realized that one of them would not work for me... I'd have to drive. Blast! The other one tho I was really excited about. It looked wonderful. I called the boss back (because I hate when I call people and they do not call me back) and told him that I was going to get on it the next day. He reminded me that the soon the better, but I had no energy to deal with it at that moment, and so I promised that I would do it between class and work. We hung up, and when looking at the job requirements again, I realized that I would have to drive for that one too. I was so irritated. When I went into work the next day someone ambushed me asking if the boss got a hold of me and how it went. I had to tell them that I could not drive, which was a huge bummer to all. He then proceeded to ask if it was something that I wanted to do. I told him that want is not exactly the word that I would choose to use in that sentence, but that it is defiantly something that I need to do.

I then met with my boss and we were talking when the other guy pulled him aside and told him that I could not drive. We all huddled together and discussed the need for me to drive. That night I found someone who is willing to teach me to drive. I think that over the Christmas break that is my goal, to be on my way to driving. I about had a heart attack tho when they told me how much the driving school. Gratefully, the first guy mentioned that work would help pay for it. I asked what I would have to do to get that help and my boss gave me three things.

Today we found out that work was giving my boss a promotion which is great for him, not so great for the team. I went and found the gentleman who told me that they could help me out and asked what I could have to do now that they are changing my boss. I was afraid that I would have to prove myself to my new boss and that everything that I have done since July would start all over. To my happiness and great joy he said that I have already proven myself and to get right on it. Yeah! Hopefully everything works out well and that this can get on its way quickly.

I did it

Well, for the first time since I started working in July I called in to work. I hate calling in. I hate feeling like I am letting people down or skipping out on something that I had previously committed to do, and work is one of those things. Not only do I hate calling in, but I hate when others call in. So generally I just tough it out and deal with it.
Last week a pipe burst in the house that I live in and our heat is radiated, so since we had no heat and no water I went and stayed with some family that night. I awoke the next morning to one nostrel being clogged, and I thought "Oh no! I am getting sick." I know, one nostrol does not seam like a big deal, but it is my sign that I am getting sick. This was Wednesday. By Saturday I was miserable. I went into work and someone asked how I was. I looked at them and said "I am tired and sick and I want to be in bed! Growl." I had no growl or bite in me. One of my coworkers was ignoring me, and it was driving me crazy, but I did not have enough energy to deal with it. Everyone could tell that he was ignoring me tho. Sunday found me staying in bed a good amount of the day and Monday I went to class. I had just enough energy to get there. When my teachers looked at me and asked what was wrong I looked at him and said I'm sick, in a tone that was almost, "hello, can't you see that I look like trash." I went to class that morning because 1. It is the end of the semester 2. I can't afford to miss that class and 3. I knew that we were watching presentations, and so I would not have to think too hard. By the time that I got out of class I looked in a mirror and realized that I looked like death warmed over. It was aweful. I debated all of the way home weather or not I was going to call in sick that day. I thought of all of the other times that I have gone into work or have stayed at work when I could have easily gone home. I worked through a splitting migraine, and a work with a constant headache nearly everyday, what makes this different? By the time that I got home I thought that I would eat lunch and maybe I would magically have the energy that I needed to go in. Not so. Lunch was gross, probably because my taste buds are all out of wack. I had no energy. When I called in, I talked to my boss' boss. He was so understanding and told me to stay home and get better. I was so grateful and went to bed for about three hours. Tuesday I went to class and was on campus in essence for five hours and by the time that I got home I was compleatly drained of all energy. I went to class again Wednesday and some of my class mates asked how I was feeling, when I replied much better, one of them was all "Yeah, I felt so bad for you the other day." My mom said that I do not hold my illness well, never have, When I showed up to work later that day one of the guys asked how I was feeling. When I said that I did not feel like death warmed over he concured and said that I looked pretty healthy to him. I do fell better, I still have no energy, but I feel better. Yesterday (Thursday) I came home from class and was drained. I took and a three hour "nap". I hate naping, I always feel more groggy than I did before I layed down, but a whole head headache and no energy made me do it. I really hope that I feel better by Sunday, I have family in town and we want to go see some other local family, but they refuse to take me if I am not doing much better. :( But I can not blame them. I would not want to take me either. I do not want to get anyone else sick. I have my Semester finals next week. I hope that I can have the energy to take them and do well. This is my 2nd to last semester for my BS and I would like to go out with a bang, not to mention that I am still applying for Grad School.

Rawfoodism

I recently had to write a paper for a class which outlined some of the pluses and minuses of rawfoodism. Never fear, I am not going the way of a rabbit, although if you were to ask my co-workers they might think otherwise. Each week as I pull out my lunch, my co-workers are always wondering what rabbit food I have. It is kind of funny. I guess that I can see the some of the benefits of raw, but for me I just do not think that I could hack it. Raw veggies and nothing else. No thanks. I'll pass. I like meat a little too much. Right after I found out about my IR (Insulin Resistance) as you might recall I was eating pretty much nothing but chicken. I lost almost 10lbs, and then tired of chicken and started loosening up on what I ate. I started reverting back to my old ways of eating and realizing that was not doing anything for me except for satisfying me in the moment. I hate that I have to spend so much of my paycheck on groceries though. I was talking to a coworker the other day and saying that I was going to get Portobello mushrooms for Portobello mushroom pizzas. He said that he was jealous, and then I told him not to be jealous because I spend x-amount of money a week on groceries for one. To which he and his wife about choked. Yeah, I thought. That's right I HAVE to eat like this. As I sat down to lunch yesterday, a co-worker who is going into food science asked me what rabbit food I had. I told him. Lunch was a Portobello mushroom pizza, carrots and ranch and a soy drink. He said that he wished he could eat like me. Funny, I looked over at his food and wished that I could eat like him. Rice with some sauce on it that looked really good. Yeah, I wish that I could eat pasta when I wanted to eat pasta rather having to eat it sparingly.