Migraines = gross

I really wanted to switch my day off yesterday for today, and my boss was on the fence about letting me have it. Then I piped in with "I will even work Tuesday night for you." Insert cute grin and puppy dog eyes. He said yes, and I was happy.
I went into yesterday, excited to have today off. "This is going to be a good day." I thought to myself. I was then brought someone who was told that he was to do whatever I needed for him to do. Which is great, because, on any normal day, he does not say no to me. Yesterday, however, was not any normal day. He fought me every step of the way. He did not want to be working with me, he wanted to be working in another area. I kept try encouraging him by saying that perhaps if he showed that he could work hard in another area, they would move him into the area that he wanted to be in. I asked him to help me help him, and he would not budge. About an hour later I started feeling dizzy and faint. I felt my second migraine coming since I started a month ago. Great, I thought. I put on my sunglasses, which is a signal to everyone that I do not feel good. My knees nearly buckled many times, and the same kid that would not help me help him decided that I could not lift up the totes of books, because he was afraid that I would fall. I would finish the four totes that he would place on the next four up for me. I went to lunch, which led to me hiding in a dark room and crying. My boss saw me and asked if I was oaky. Yeah, I answered yet not really feeling oaky. Part of me wanted to go home, and the other part of me said that I had made a commitment to be there, and by golly I was going to be there. I am LDS, as are everyone else that I work with. I asked my boss what has got to be the weirdest question that I have ever asked in a work setting. I asked if he or someone else could give me a blessing. He found two great men who were able to give me a blessing. I really wanted to be able to finish my shift. They left and I had about 15 minutes of my lunch left, at which point I put my head down and started to cry. I hate crying, I hate everything to do with crying. Stuffy nose. Red eyes. More of a headache. I just all around hate it. As I was sitting there, one of the other boss' walks in and then walks out. About a minute later someone else walked in and asked if I was oaky. Good grief I thought, but at the same time I was grateful that so many people cared. As I was getting ready to head back into work, I splashed some water on my face, in hopes that it would help get rid of the redness in my face, which it did not. I clocked back into work and one of the girls asked if there was anything that she could do to help me. I said no, and then she gave me a hug and I stood there for a minute just soaking it in. She was giving a hug to someone whom she knew only from working with for the last few weeks. The boss asked if I was going to make it the rest of the night, and I said that I was sure going to try, to which I got two thumbs up. I wanted nothing more than for the end of the shift to come, take medication to get it to go away, shave my head because every strand of hair pulling on my scalp just about killed me. The young man who refused to let me pick up the totes prior to lunch told me that I was not allowed to lift them the rest of the night. Then he looked at me and said something to the effect of, remember when you told me to help you help me, well, this is a team effort and they (talking about the other two that I would be working with) are part of your team. Each time that I ran out of books, I would raise my hand and ask which one wanted to put the next track of books up for me. I have to admit, I felt kind of helpless. At the end of the day, as I clocked out, I was grateful for everyones concern, and grateful that there were people able and willing to give me a blessing so that I could make it through my shift. I had a friend pick me up, because I did not trust myself to walk home safely. I got home, took my medication and crawled into bed. I feel so much better today, and as I was in pain yesterday, I remembered again why it is that I need to start carrying my medication with me. The guys were good to me, or at least as good as they can be for being 19 and mid 30's, and both guys. I am grateful that I was able to make it through my entire shift, even when no one would have blamed me for going home early. I guess it is the stubbornness that I inherited.

A crazy day

I came into work this morning to face a never ending pile of shoes. On Saturday I was placed on shoe duty for the entire shift for the first time. Saturday, through a series of incidence I made a huge mess of what should have worked out without much of a hitch. Today I came in to all of the shoes that I had already priced being placed in a bucket. The first thought that went through my mind? Crap. He is never going to let me be on shoes ever again. Then things changed, he asked me to go through the shoes again and reprice them. He then left me on shoe duty for most of the remainder or the day. I loved it. Throughout the day I saw the head boss in toe with someone else who looked equally important, if not more so. They came and talked to me, asked me some questions. Turns out, he is the store managers boss. Sure hope I answered properly.
I had a meeting with my immediate supervisor today. We discussed my working towards getting a business partnership, where I work for another company on the company that I work fors dime. Sounds like a good plan to me. We also discussed my moving into another position, such as his little helper. Yup, fnally.

Sarchasm

I suffer from a condition lovingly titled by a friend of mine as "Open mouth, insert both feet, close, chew quietly."This is also frequently refereed to as sarcasm. What does this have to do with work or disabilities? Absolutely nothing, but I figured that it was about time you heard about something else for a change. A friend and I went to a concert the other night and got into a conversation about sarcasm and how some people are more sarcastic than others. I happen to be the more sarcastic, she happens to be the nonsarchastic one. Why is it that some people find the need to be sarcastic and others don't. I find it fascinating how differently people grow up and each persons personality is. Is it a matter of nature or nurture, or a mixture of both?

Recipes

Bt request, I have started another blog in connection with this one which can be found and www.joyinthefood.blogspot.com this will feature different recipes that I mention (or fail to mention) here.

Work goals...

By virtue of where I work, I meet with my boss on a weekly basis and come up with goals to help me get a better job. One of my goals that I have had ever since before starting work there was to network. I was able to complete this goal. My Aunt has a neighbor who happens to be a Vocational Rehabilitation Councilor. I met this neighbor and had a really good 30 minute conversation with her. It really solidified to me that that is the path which I want to take in my life. Yes, I want to help kids like me. She works in the school system starting at 16 years old and helps these young adults transition into adult life. She works with a lot of the kids that fell through the cracks and felt as tho there was no true place for them in the school system. It felt great to talk with someone in the field who is excited to go to work everyday. It was a great conversation and it really solidified in my mind that this is what I want to do.

"Cousins" and similar diets

So I was talking to my cousin, who is not really my cousin, but we share an Aunt and Uncle so we sometimes call each other cousin. In my family with all of the cousins that have children who are my age and strange family relations sometimes it is easier to just say cousin. At any rate, I was talking to my cousin the other day and we had a really good conversation about changing diets and things. She happens to have something where she cannot have any gluten. I cannot imagine how difficult that would be. I think about my diet, and then add no gluten. Yikes. It is interesting that we had this conversation, because just 30 minutes earlier I was lamenting about how I wanted something to eat, and I wanted FOOD, but not vegetables or chicken, but chocolate, bread, pasta, something from the food categories which I love. It was so nice to talk to someone my age who could understand the withdrawals and frustrations which I am currently faced with. She just started having to keep this diet in the last few years, and she said that she would cry when walking down the bread isle at the grocery store. (That is so me right now.) Her doctor told her that she would go through withdrawals like and alcoholic goes through withdrawals...mine said smokers.
I had this internal fight with myself for two reasons, one, it was the Sabbath so I did not want to go shopping, and two I had already decided that this weeks lunch menu was chicken. I finally gave in, thawed some chicken and set it in marinade which turned out to be AMAZING. Turns out, about two months ago I bought some bread and dipping sauce, which I cannot use anymore for its intended purpose so I used it as a marinade. I set the chicken in it for just a few hours and then grilled it. It turned out much better than I expected. Between grumbling and giving in, I gave an Aunt and Uncle a call to ask a question and was invited for dinner (which is where the previously mentioned conversation took place). When we sat down to dinner, guess what we had? Yup, chicken. I guess it was meant to be this week.

Good and bad news

Typically I would ask which you wanted first, the good or the bad news. However, this is not a typical situation. I suppose that you will want the bad news first so that we can end on a good note. I am still slow at work apparently. The boss keeps telling us that we need to be fast. I know that I can go faster, but I need to be around others who are trying to be faster.
As for the good news.... I am being moved to another part of the department tomorrow morning. This means that my promotion looks like it is on its way in the (hopefully) not too distant future.

Career workshop and 'power statements'

Today began the three day journey of the career workshop. Due to the nature of where I work (it is a a temporary job) the point is to get you ready to get another, better job. Granted, I have one of the best boss' that I have ever had and the work enviornment is nice. That said, every day that I go in, I can not help but wish that I could have found a job on my own. Do not get me wrong, I am increadibly greatful for the opportunity that I have to work and grow the skills that I have, but the interview that I had was not like having a 'real' interview, and I know that it is a temp job. Everyone at the store has to take a two or three day career workshop. I have actually already taken the workshop, but it has been at least two years, and I have been wanting to take it again for a while and just have not gotten around to it. Now that I work in the building that is interconnected to the place where the workshops are and I have to take it, and I get paid for it.... hello, why not take it now. Many of my coworkers on my team either called me a cheater because I was working with them for only half of the day, or bellyached that everyone has to take it. I am not sure what they are complaining about, I for one am greatful for it.
Today we learned about introducing ourselves in thirty seconds and having a power statement. When writing my power statement, I felt as tho I was writing a novel. Here is my first draft:
I am dedicated to raising awareness of different disabilities. I am about to appear on a panel at Utah State University for a class focusing on Special Education. I have, and continue to research information on Dyslexia, Attention Defficite Dysorder, Insulin Resistance, Deafness, Anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Dysorder. I have also taken two Special Education classes and am high-beginning to intermediate fluency of American Sign Language. I strive to learn more everyday about different topics that effect peoples every day lives. As a result I have learned many things about a variety of disabilities, as well as adaptation skills and assistive technology. I know how to use people first language and am not afraid to ask how best to interact with different people in different stages of life.
Tomorrow I meet with a gentleman who will help me iron out my resume. I am so excited. I know, totally geeky of me, but hey, why not.
Now, the question becomes, Who knows someone who is looking for an employee like me, or could point me in a good direction?
PS, We also learned about networking today as well. ;)

Friends, what a joy

I spent some time with some friends today. There were a lot of us that got together and had pancakes with toppings. I chose to put peanut butter (at least I'd get some protein) whipped cream and syrup on my two pancakes. A few hours later were at a couples playing games and enjoying eachothers company when my stomach started to hurt. It was at that moment that I remembered my stomach cramping like that. It has been nice the last three weeks not having my stomach cramp. Hello no cramps, good-bye fun food.
We were at the couples house for long enough that they made us dinner and afterwards the son brought out popsicles for us. Three weeks ago I would have jumped all over it. I turned it down, as did the wife. She is Diabetic. It was nice to not be the only one not to have dessert. I looked at the "nutritional" information on one of them. 26 grams of carbs.! I could not believe it. I am so glad that I turned it down. Yikes!

Oops

Apparently, I do not call or receive calls very much. I went to call my mom last night. When the phone picked up it was a friend of mine answering the work phone. Uhh.... oops. We laughed about it and she told me that she would have to give me a hard time at work today, When we saw each other we both just laughed.

Grump

This shall be a continuation of the previous post. I am taking a career workshop next week and my boss and I have worked hard to work out my schedule for next week. We previously thought that the workshop was Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and so we thought it best that I take Monday off. When I went on lunch I looked up when it was, and it was Monday, Tuesday Wednesday. This is importaint to note because I get paid to go to these workshops. I went to tell my boss, and he was busy, so he came to talk to me in the station that I was working in at that point. When he came over, I looked at him and said to him that I did not want to talk to him unless he was un-grumpy. He said that he is never grumpy. Yeah, umm, I beg to differ, and so does the rest of the team.

Work

It seams as though I talk about nothing but work these days, and share more frustrations than joys. Cest La Vie as the saying goes. This last week of work has been a killer. I am trying to work toward a promotion that they want for me to get, but I have to be able to prove that I can work hard and complete all of the tasks that they need for me to. The team that I work on has not been doing very well this week meeting our goals. Every day at noon we gather as a team and have an uplifting spiritual message and prayer. On Thursday we gathered for our get together and instead of fluffy uplifting words we got chastised and then before the prayer our boss looked at us and said that he had nothing more to add and turned and walked away. That hurt so badly. The entire team felt that. When I went back to my station, the boss under the one that walked away sent me to another section, to which I happily ablidged. Friday brought a chance to redeem myself a little. I worked super hard to prove that I could work the station that I was in and complete my tasks quickly and accurately. I got the quickly down, now we just need to work on the accurately. Today we worked very hard and were very proud of ourselves... then they made it more difficult fore us. They forced us to work harder and faster than we have in the last two weeks since I came on. Today I am so tired, proud of how much we got done, but so tired. It is nearly 9pm at this writing and I am ready to crash in bed.

The love of food

I LOVE food. More specifically, I love home cooked food. Tuesday brought me looking at recipes, weighing out how much protein was in the meal. If it looked as though there were not enough grams of protein in the meal, I would move onto the next one until I found two that looked absolutely amazing. I went grocery shopping that night and picked up the ingredients for a summer squash casserole which was ridiculously easy and a spinach quiche. I made the casserole for this week. I was able to take some for three days and served as a great part of lunch. An apple seams to be a main staple, as well as a yogurt. As I was cooking my lunches for this week, my roommate laughed and said that most normal people don't put that much energy into making their lunches. I laughingly said back to her that most normal people did not have to work so hard ti find something to eat either. Since I cannot just get something from the vending machine I have to make my lunch exciting somehow.

Typist

I hail from the loins of great typists. My father at one point was typing upwards of 80 words per minute on a typewriter. You know, those things that you had to actually had to move in order to do a carriage return. And my mother also, altho I cannot recall what her typing speed was at the pennicle, I am sure that it is equally impressive. Unlike them, my typing speed has remained since high school a measly 22wpm. Many of the jobs that I have looked at applying for of late have required a typing speed of at least 40wpm. I recently made the goal to bring my typing speed up to at least 40wpm so that I could apply for these jobs. With a lot of practice, I was able to meet that goal, and printed out a certificate from the website. It really probably does not mean much of anything, I mean really, someone else could have just as easily taken the test and put my name on it, but I know that I met that goal. I can now check that goal off my list. I would like to continue to get my typing speed up more...

Bandwaggon

I love carbs. I would probably be open to marrying carbs if they were a person. I have always had a love affair with them for as long as I can remember. The smell of Dad's bread baking in the oven, raviolis, spaghetti, you name it, I love it. You bring it by me and I will eat it. When my doctor told me that Carb cravings were much like nicotine cravings it brought a whole new meaning to addict. I always joked that I was a carb addict, but I never really thought much of it. She said that the difference between nicotine and carbohydrates is that there really is no way to curb the craving for nicotine, but you just have to fight through it, whereas with a carbohydrate craving you can eat protein. This is when I started eating like a rabbit. The first week I was cranky and grouchy. Again, I am an addict. Perhaps there needs to be a Carbohydrates Anonymous. The second week, after meeting with a dietitian and discovering that I can have all of the vegetables that I want, and all of the apples and other sources of protein that I wanted, I felt better, but was still really careful. I either got up early before heading off to work so that I could make my lunch, or prepared it the night before so that I knew that I had something good and healthy. Generally my lunch and snacks have consisted of: carrots, apple, yogurt, snap peas, grilled chicken on either flat bread or pita bread and sometimes a cracker and cheese lunchable thing as a treat. When, en I came home from work, I would pull out my stash of honey graham bears and have about 5-10 as a treat for doing so well at work. I packed such a good lunch for myself today. I was so happy with it. Today was carrots, broccoli, yellow squash, yogurt, snap peas, some crystal light, a cheese and cracker thing and a little chocolate bar as a treat. My roommate offered me some of her mac and cheese the other day, and I turned her down sighting the pasta. I have felt so good about myself. Enter tonight. I had dinner at a friends house, and I allowed my diet to go take a flying leap out the window. We had roast beef sandwiches (which we put together ourselves, so really I could have left off the bread). As my teeth sunk deep into the fluffy white bread goodness I proclaimed "Why hello bread, oh how I have missed you." To which my roommate gave me a look and a sound and I quickly defended with the protest, "But I have protein. See!" As I pointed to the roast beef. Oh, so the bread was a bad choice, especially for a carb addict such as myself. I know what you are thinking, "That cannot be all, what a lame ending." Of course that is not all. Do you really think that I would leave you hanging like that? So we had the choice between water (which I have had virtually every meal besides when I have chocolate soy milk for the last two weeks) or this amazingly sweet Japanese lemon water concoction. Take my word for it, AMAZING. Of course I could not stop at one or two, no I had three cups of it. Yup, three. Just when I was starting to realize that I had really done it, they came around with desert. Who wants to be the lone ranger and not have desert? Hello? I reached in and grabbed for a strawberry Minute Made frozen desert, and it was good, but not as good as I had hoped. I had a hard time enjoying it. Probably because I had just had a discussion with another friend sitting at the table about how I need to be careful with what I eat and why..... They came around and offered seconds on desert, to which I resisted the urge. Did I mention that on the way home from work I stopped and got a frozen yogurt (which was amazing) and had another chocolate when I got home. Yes, today I fell off the bandwagon. I feel like I am living in those cartoons when there is a good angel and a bad angel over each shoulder. I know that I need to do it for my health. I know that it will be hard, but I also know that I can break through it. It just may be a bit longer before I can bake bread or treats again, because I know that I will gobble them all up. The funny thing is, the last week I can't remember ever being covetous of my coworkers lunches. I have been blessed to be happy with what I packed. My carrots and apple. Jamie: almost 2 weeks, addiction: 1 day.

Seeing as it is nearly midnight at this writing, I cannot help but think of one of my favorite movie quotes, which I am sure actually is from another source: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift. That is why they call it the present."-- Kung Fu Panda

Debate

At work today we were discussing amongst three of us how bad migraines are. The one other female and I were saying how badly that hurt and the boy chimed in that he has had one and it was not that bad. To which I replied that until he has had enough of them that he has to be medicated he has no idea how bad they really are. He then said that he could name something worse that a Migraine, seizures. Having dated a gentleman who has seizures, I can say that for me watching them (and I saw only two in nine years that I have known him) how scary they are for those around the person with the seizures. I do not know from a personal experience how bad they are to the person having them, but I hope that I do not discount what others go through simply because I have "more" disabilities than they do. I firmly believe that everyone is given their personal struggles for a reason. I feel that for me I needed them for a few reasons. One being to learn, another being to help others. I hope that I can be a source of inspiration to someone when they feel that getting an education is outside of their grasp. The same young man said that his reading, math, and written skills are too low to go to college. I tried to suggest to him that he go to a junior college, like I did so that he can work to the point of being able to eventually graduate from college. He then continued to say that if he were diabetic like me (which actually it is insulin resistance, but close enough) that he would not care and would eat chocolate everyday. I started to get a little agitated with him and tried to reason with him. Another co-worker who was working behind us told the kid that I had plenty of room to talk because I have a lot going on with me. He understands like no one else that I work with how hard it is to change my diet, his step-mom died recently from diabetes complications.